The Onion has managed to bring to light a disturbing report on Google’s future plans. The rapidly growing online-search company that promises to organize the world’s information, announced Monday the latest step in their expansion effort: a far-reaching plan to destroy all the information it is unable to index.

Our users want the world to be as simple, clean, and accessible as the Google home page itself, said Google CEO Eric Schmidt at a press conference held in their corporate offices. Soon, it will be.

The new project, dubbed Google Purge, will join such popular services as Google Images, Google News, and Google Maps, which catalogs the entire surface of the Earth using high-resolution satellites. As a part of Purge’s first phase, executives will destroy all copyrighted materials that cannot be searched by Google.

Other revelations include Google’s plans to forcibly index all DNA records on the planet, using an army of laser-equipped robots. This army is rumored to include some 4 million cybernetic search-and-destroy units, each capable of capturing and scanning up to 100 humans per day. Said co-founder Sergey Brin:

The scanning will be relatively painless. Hey, it’s Google. It’ll be fun to be scanned by a Googlebot. But in the event people resist, the robots are programmed to liquify the brain.

Markets responded favorably to the announcement of Google Purge, with traders bidding up Google’s share price by 1.24, to 285.92.

Right, I’m off to send this story to Gurtie and Chris at Grey Hat News, ah wait a minute did you write this?…

(just realised Nick has already covered this at TW – but hey they deserve the extra links for putting this together)

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